How it feels like to be a female full-contact martial arts practitioner
Curious about self-protection, but worried about feeling awkward?
I wrote this article in 2015 about my experience as a female full-contact martial arts practitioner. More than a decade later, many of the ideas I wrote about then - confidence, preparation, adapting techniques to the individual, and learning how to protect yourself - are reflected in the work I now do through Iron Flora.
If you have always wanted to learn self-protection but feel intimidated because you have no martial arts experience, you are welcome to learn with us. Iron Flora is designed for women, and you will be practising alongside other women, so there is no need to worry about embarrassing yourself or getting everything right.
Through Iron Flora, we practise practical awareness, communication, confidence-building and simple effective self-protection skills in a supportive environment for women.
Explore Iron Flora →
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Originally published 23 June 2015
2026 archival note: This article was originally published in June 2015 and is reproduced here substantially as written. It reflects my experiences, terminology and perspective at that time.
Hello!
I’ve been asked to write this blog post many times for the past several years, so I’m finally writing it. I didn’t realise anyone wanted to read this stuff because it seems quite boring to me, until my martial arts family told me that they’d be interested to, so this post is for you guys and gals.
I practise both full-contact grappling and full-contact striking, so I’ll shed some light on how it feels like from my perspective – a female competitive full-contact martial arts practitioner. To provide a background context, I am 168cm and 55kg, which means I’m quite lanky for a female full-contact martial arts practitioner. I am also rather fair-skinned; most people don’t believe me when I tell them that I’ve taught Physical Education (PE) twice to 13 to 17 year old boys in a secondary school and 16 to 23 year old boys in a tertiary institution.
Some people tell me that I move like a dancer – that’s because I started out as a figure-skater and a salsa dancer, before I started training martial arts at 20 years old, and I still dance salsa and bachata at salsa socials and Latin clubs when I feel like it. Anyway, unless you’ve known me for some time or you’ve trained with me, I am the last person you’d expect to practice full-contact martial arts, especially with my gentle demeanour. (hehehe)
I’m going to list down the Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) that I get; I’ll specify if it’s a grappling or striking question. It should come as no surprise that while I’m built like a striker, grappling – in particular, newaza/groundwork – is still my favourite art, so I’m going to list the grappling questions first. (Note: I was just typing the FAQs that I usually get, then I stopped and realised it’s an extremely long list. Then again, I’ve been practising martial arts for 10 years, so that’s 3650 days of questions.)
Grappling: “What does it feel like having a guy between your legs in open/closed guard?”
It took me one whole year to mentally get used to the idea of having a guy between my legs in open/closed guard. I visited my first dojo in 2005 and only signed up one year later in 2006. Then when I went for my first class, I was told by the guys that I wouldn’t be able to last one hour, but since I had paid for the month’s fees and it was the university summer vacation, I decided to stay; three months became 10 years.
Grappling: “Do you mind having chest-to-chest contact all the time?”
Chest-to-chest contact is quite unavoidable in both nage-waza/stand-up grappling and newaza-groundwork. I am very picky about the sportsbra I wear – I have extra-padded sportsbras that are only used for grappling, so that they don’t wear out so quickly; they are usually tighter than my striking, running and gym weight-lifting sportsbras.
Grappling: “Have you felt like you were sexually violated in newaza/groundwork?”
Not at all. I have had people comment that it looks exactly like a rape scenario, but it certainly doesn’t feel that way. Newaza/groundwork is very fast-paced and rough, and not sexual/sensual
at all, in my humble opinion.
Grappling: “Do people grab your hair, accidentally or otherwise?”
No. Why would they? If I’m grappling, I always make sure that my long hair is bunned neatly. If I’m striking, I always make sure it’s braided; since 2008, I have always wanted to look like Lara Croft while sparring.
Grappling: “What happens when you’re on your period?”
If it’s really bad, I don’t go. Otherwise, I’ll just train as usual. Nobody would be able to tell, though. In fact, I’ve competed twice overseas while on my period and it was fine.
Grappling: “What if the guy is 10kg heavier than you? What’s the heaviest weight you’ve randori-ed/rolled with?”
Even if the guy is my weight, he’s usually stronger than me. I’ve learnt to adapt and train with guys, even those are way heavier than me. The heaviest weight I’ve randori-ed/rolled with in groundwork is probably 90kg – I just had to be very defensive, and use my elbows and knees to prevent him from getting a good position such as a yoko/side control. I’m pretty fortunate though – most of the guys I train with don’t try to steamroll me; if they do steamroll me, it’s probably because they’re inexperienced.
Grappling: “How did you learn newaza/groundwork in the beginning? Wasn’t it awkward to train with men when you just started out?”
Again, I was very fortunate to be able to train under Sensei Lee and Sensei Dan when I first started out in newaza/groundwork. They are both very professional and I didn’t feel awkward at all. I was completely new to the sport; now when I help out to teach the female beginners, I’m reminded of how I was and I salute my senseis for their patience. In particular, I trained my grappling fundamentals solely under Sensei Lee for three years, and picked up more techniques along the way after that.
Grappling: “Does your lanky physique help in
groundwork/newaza?”
No, it doesn’t. I always feel like I’m too light and my legs are too long for me to successfully execute a sankaku-jime/triangle choke. Also, when I compete in grappling, my opponents are usually half a head or a head shorter than me; I just don’t have the typical grappler build. However, my lanky physique helps me a lot more in striking.
Grappling: “Isn’t the grappling gi heavy? How do you cope wearing the additional weight while training?”
You get used to it. I have a single-weave white tournament gi and a gold-weave (1.5 time weave) bright pink gi. The bright pink gi was supposed to be a single weave, but it turned out to be a gold weave; I don’t have a double-weave gi since that’s too heavy for my liking. In total, I have four grappling gis and one striking gi.
Grappling: “How does it feel like to be the only female in the dojo?”
It’s fine. The guys whom I train regularly with know that I try my best to keep up with their pace. I have had my fair share of martial arts injuries, so I just train at my own pace now.
Grappling: “What about your fingernails and toenails? Jewellery?”
All of my nails are always kept short. As for jewellery, I take off my necklace; I rarely wear earstuds, although I have six ear piercings.
Grappling: “isn’t this a very ‘guy sport’? Do you get weird looks or comments all the time?”
Yes, I try to lay low these days. Two ex-boyfriends couldn’t deal with the fact that I train so much in this particular sport (full-contact grappling and striking), so I usually don’t mention that I train martial arts to new people I meet because it scares some people and then I get weird looks. I’m really gentle and soft-spoken – after all, jujitsu/judo in Japanese is “the gentle art/way”.
Grappling: “Have you choked anyone out before? Have you been choked out before?”
Nope and nope. I usually apply the choke at 70% intensity and let the person go; likewise, I always tap when I get 70% intensity. It’s just training, not a tournament, so I really don’t see the point of choking someone out, especially when we both know that the correct technique has been applied.
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Striking: “How did you get started in full-contact striking? Sounds violent.”
I had practised point-system striking for five years before I decided to switch to full-contact striking. My main purpose for training martial arts has always been self-defence and I feel that full-contact striking will be more useful. An acquaintance had introduced me to his dojo, and again it took me one whole year to mentally get used to the idea of training full-contact striking. I finally signed up and I’ve been with the dojo for four years.
Striking: “Is it painful when guys kick you hard? Or do they kick you less hard because you’re a woman?”
I’d be lying if I say that it’s not painful. Of course it hurts, but I guess I don’t allow my mind to linger on the pain. Since I’m a senior belt, the guys don’t kick me less hard, although I’m grateful that they don’t kick me at their 100%; I train with experienced guys who know what they’re doing, which is why I’ve been training with them week after week.
Striking: “Do you wear a breast plate and/or a groin guard?”
Nope and nope. I used to wear a mouth guard, but I stopped because I find it tough to breathe with it.
Striking: “Can you hit as hard as a guy?”
When someone asks me this, I usually reply “You could come to my dojo for a visit”. I don’t see why I should hit when I’m outside of the dojo; maybe I’m old-fashioned.
Striking: “How hard can you hit?”
I don’t know; I’ve been told I “hit like a girl”.
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Grappling/Striking: “How does it feel being the only woman and training in a dojo full of men?”
Good question. Once I enter a new dojo, I usually get strange looks because as aforementioned, I totally don’t look like I play sports, much less practise full-contact martial arts. On the other hand, when I enter one of the four dojos that I train in (how I got myself into four dojos concurrently is another story for a blog post), I always greet and get greeted with a loud “osu!” I think it’s easy to spot me, because my hair is pretty long and I’ve been carrying the same big bright hot pink duffel bag to training for the past 10 years.
Grappling/Striking: “Can’t you do ‘normal’ or feminine sports, instead of competitive martial arts? Why do you even train so
much? You are not a guy, you know.”
I get this question pretty much all the time. My first love is figure-skating, then I started playing pool (billiards), after which I did netball, basketball, and track & field in junior college, and then salsa, bachata & merengue, and handball in uni. If you’ve seen the way I stretch, it’s flexibility training that I picked up 14 years ago; it was a pleasant surprise when I realised that it was a skill transferable to martial arts.
Grappling/Striking: “Why are you paying money to get injured?”
I admit that I get injured during training because I’m not fully focused in training and so I get hit because of that; my dojo mates will attest to this. Sometimes, I’m trying out a new technique, so I get injured as well. Contrary to popular belief, I’m rarely injured in randori/kumite, mainly because I train with guys who know exactly what they’re doing.
Grappling/Striking: “Do you crush/kick the guy’s
family jewels a lot?”
No, I think it’s happened maybe thrice in 10 years. Just to add: last week, I accidentally slapped a dojo mate during a striking drill.
Grappling/Striking: “Why are you always getting such huge palm-sized bruises?”
Because I have fragile veins. The bruises don’t hurt and they go away on their own after two weeks; I usually don’t do anything, except for eating a bit more cleanly and getting a good night’s rest.
Striking/Grappling: “Wow, are you as fit as the guys? Do you do the same number of sets X reps as them in the dojo?”
I’m nowhere as fit as them. I know they put in the hours and effort to train, and so I try my best to train as hard as them, despite being of the fairer sex. I don’t do the same number of sets and reps for sure, especially push-ups, because of an old injury.
Grappling/Striking: “Don’t you feel tired training martial arts at such an intensity?”
I feel lethargic if I don’t train martial arts and every fibre of my being always misses the mat when I haven’t trained for a while, i.e. more than a week. Of course, I have had months-long hiatuses due to some commitments, but I try to train at least once weekly. I climb the stairs regularly instead of taking the elevator and walk from place to place a lot, so I consider these daily activities to be part of my training as well.
Grappling/Striking: “Do you do drop-ins?”
I have done drop-ins in several dojos in several countries – I love it! I always drop the owner of the dojo/gym an email or a Facebook message to ask them if it’s okay to do a drop-in. The only downside is that my grappling gi usually takes up quite a bit of luggage space and I have to wash it thoroughly after training, before packing it in my luggage.
Grappling/Striking: “What are the advantages that you have over a guy?”
I’ve always said this: What I lack in size and power, I make up for in flexibility, speed and stamina.
Grappling/Striking: “With all that martial arts training, how are you physically different from the average woman?”
Hm. My finger knuckles are big and calloused. I get bruises here and there sometimes. I’m quite muscular compared to the average Singaporean woman.
Grappling/Striking: “Are you going to grapple or hit me unexpectedly?”
No. I will only grapple or hit you if you grapple or hit me first – it’s actually quite difficult to get me to show you “some of my moves” if we’re not in a dojo.
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Hope you enjoy reading this long entry, as much as I enjoyed writing it. I’m sure there are still a few questions that I forgot to include. Just drop me a text if you have a question.